Success

This week was a particularly challenging week. Twenty miles in one day, forty in one week, I never thought I would be able to claim these statements. During my twenty mile run, I learned how easy it is to let the negative thoughts creep in. After running about 10 miles I gave up. There, I said it. I finished the 20 miles, but walked most of the rest of it. Cried part of it, and was down right pissed off. By the time I got home, I had conceded the fact that today was not going to be the day I ran 20 miles without stopping. Today, my marathon was going to be working through some of my demons, and I was ok with that. What I wasn’t ok with was that I let myself down.

I had a nice long chat with my sister, Jen, a.k.a. my spiritual adviser/best friend/cheerleader. She asked me what it means to succeed in this experience of running a marathon. I know that the answer should be obvious, but, for me, I am just starting to realize what it all means. This experience is changing my life and I have only just started to see and feel this all happening. At first, success meant finishing and the absolute accomplishment would be to run the whole thing. I realize now that this is the first time in my life that I have wanted something this badly. I don’t care so much about the physical side of this race; I’ll take last place with pride. The mental and psychological part that comes with training for and participating in a marathon, those are my battles.

Success…

Pushing myself every day

Showing up

Remembering all the wonderful people that are cheering me on when it gets difficult

Being honest with myself

Doing my absolute best in every attempt

Staying positive

Loving this process

Loving myself

This is what success is for me.